What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:15
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I have no regrets .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What is a good way to conduct an interview?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
CNN’s Live ‘Good Night, and Good Luck’ Telecast Spurs Special Coverage - Variety
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Cosmic Dawn with Nobel Laureate John Mather - NASA (.gov)
I was seconnd youngest,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
How To Train Your Dragon remake trades animated magic for money-hungry mediocrity - AV Club
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Especially a lifetime of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why is the band Nickelback unliked so much?
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
James Webb Space Telescope unveils fiery origins of a distant, hellish exoplanet - Space
I was very sick at this time too.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Belmont Stakes 2025: Odds, horses, prediction, complete bettor’s guide - New York Post
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why does TikTok allow porn stars in its platform? Isn't it aimed at teenagers?
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.
How far does good behavior take you in a prison?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
But it wasn’t much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I will be 64.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
This is soul school!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot live in the past .
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I write beautiful poetry .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was scared of men, in general
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I don,t even have a pension.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She found it foreign!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Would this be the day?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was in good health!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ive learnt so much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i lived it daily.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.